


I don’t want it!

by pissfizz



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Asexual Character, Coming Out, Established Relationship, M/M, Panicking, Slight internalized acephobia, ace Yamaguchi, no actual sex tho, sexual situation, yams is put in his first sexual situation with his boyfriend and doesn’t know what to do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:06:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27326260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pissfizz/pseuds/pissfizz
Summary: Yamaguchi is put into his very first sexual situation with his boyfriend, but there’s a problem. Tsukishima doesn’t know he’s ace, and well, Yamaguchi’s always had a little trouble saying what he wants.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 12
Kudos: 84





	I don’t want it!

**Author's Note:**

> No beta.  
> This was written at like one am and I’m posting it at 4 am like a week later so uh yeah.  
> Also being ace, as well as a pushover with anxiety, I do quite enjoy projecting onto Yamaguchi.

  
Yamaguchi sat with Tsukishima on the latter’s bed, scribbling out notes and diagrams on his homework. Neither of them spoke, the only sound being the soft lofi music coming from Tsukki’s phone and the light scritching of pencil on paper. The sunlight filtered into the room through Tsukishima’s blinds, falling in warm stripes across the floor. It was calm, peaceful. Yamaguchi was content as he skimmed his textbook, not noticing as Tsukishima drew closer to him.   
Suddenly he felt Tsukki’s hand on his cheek, his fingers slightly cold, a contrast to the rising burn of Yamaguchi’s face. Yamaguchi’s eyes shot up to the blond’s, curiosity in his gaze, his heart pounding as he watched his boyfriend lean in closer. They’ve kissed plenty of times before, but every time, Yamaguchi felt a rush of adrenaline and excitement, just like it was their first one all over again.   
Tsukishima’s lips were soft against his, slow and sleepy, fitting the mood of the room. Yamaguchi leaned into the kiss, letting his eyes flutter closed, raising his palm to caress the other boy’s cheek.   
It felt good. It was sweet, it was caring, he could feel how much love was in the kiss the longer they sat there, their lips moving slowly and lazily against each other.   
Tsukishima reached forward and pushed Yamaguchi’s homework off to the side, repositioning himself so that he was more in front of the freckled boy. Instead of placing his hand back on his face, however, he placed it on Yamaguchi’s waist.   
Tsukki leaned deeper into the kiss, before pulling away to take a breath. Yamaguchi gave him a soft smile, only to be shocked when Tsukishima came back for more. He kissed the tip of Yamaguchi’s slightly-pointed nose, eliciting a giggle from the shorter boy. But he didn’t stop there, no. He pressed little kisses to his reddened cheeks, before beginning to trail down his neck. Yamaguchi tensed. Was this going—? Oh no. Tsukishima pulled the slightly panicked boy closer and onto his lap, seemingly oblivious to Yamaguchi’s internal panic as he nibbled into the freckled skin of his neck. His hands traveled across Yamaguchi’s body, the light touch on his back causing him to arch it forwards, earning a chuckle from Tsukki.   
Yamaguchi didn’t want this—he- he didn’t want to have sex. He loved Tsukishima with his whole heart, but something about these actions put a nauseous, scared feeling in the pit of his gut. He didn’t know how to tell him to stop though, Tsukishima seemed so thrilled to finally do this, he wasn’t sure how to tell him. What if he wanted to leave him over it? Of course he would, after all, who would want a broken boy who finds the idea of screwing his boyfriend disgusting?   
Yamaguchi could see (and feel) Tsukishima’s pants tented and stretched taught in the crotch, and felt his stomach drop. The bespectacled boy switched from the nibbles to sucking and licking, sending shivers down his spine. This made him feel gross. He didn’t know what to do, he needed to stop this but how? What could he possibly say?   
“Ts-Tsukki...” he tried to say, hoping to find the words by just jumping into it. But unfortunately, Tsukishima perceived the words as a moan of pleasure, much like the ones Yamaguchi found himself involuntary making, and reached under the hem of his shirt, fingers traveling light and feather like, until they brushed over Yamaguchi’s nipples, where he started to stroke and pinch and rub. Yamaguchi managed to shake his head against the odd feeling, and Tsukishima made a low hum of understanding before moving his hands back downwards.  
Ok. That was progress. Maybe he could get him to stop all together. He just needed to say the words. But then Tsukishima’s hands were trailing to the hem of his pants, unbuttoning, pushing them down, _oh my god he was trying to pull down the hem of his underwear too_.   
And so Yamaguchi did what any reasonable person who did not want their dick to be touched did. He ripped away from Tsukishima, shoving and kicking away from him, scrambling across the bed and away from his boyfriend.   
His heart pounded in his ears, his breath heaving, eyes wide, darting around in panic as he tried to take in Tsukishima’s shocked and hurt expression.   
“I-I...I’m sorry!” He stuttered out. Guilt swelled in his chest, but he couldn’t let him get any further, sex wasn’t good, _he didn’t want to have sex._  
“If you didn’t want it you could’ve just said something.” Tsukishima put back on his emotionless shield, pushing up his glasses and straightening himself up from when he begun undressing himself. _When had he done that?_  
Tsukishima didn’t say anything after that, turning back to his notes, but Yamaguchi could tell he was upset. He could understand why he felt like this, but at the same time, he was a bit angry. Tsukishima didn’t even ask. Wasn’t that what you were supposed to do? Weren’t you supposed to ask if you could touch someone or if they could touch you?   
“I’m sorry.” Yamaguchi whispered after a few minutes. “I’m sorry, but I... I can’t have sex with you.” This brought Tsukishima’s attention, his head snapping up to show him giving the smaller boy an incredulous look.   
“What? Why not? You looked like you were enjoying that! Do you not like me enough?!” His voice was defensive and a bit louder than Yamaguchi would’ve liked it to be.   
“I wasn’t. I didn’t like it.” Tears pricked at Yamaguchi’s eyes as he struggled to articulate his words.   
“Then what was that? You kissed me back, you smiled, and laughed, you even moaned a few times! Am I not good enough? Tell me!” Tsukishima was trying to sound angry, but Yamaguchi knew him better than that, and could see the sadness and fear hidden underneath the mask.   
“It’s- it’s not you, I promise. It’s, well, anyone. I don’t want to have sex with anyone. I hate even the thought of being involved with it. It...it makes me feel gross and scared and bad. I kissed back because I like kissing you, and I laughed and smiled because I thought we were having fun, not, you know, _having fun_. I-I didn’t want to make those other noises...they just....happened. I’m sorry, Tsukki, but I just can’t do it. It feels so terrible, Tsukki, I’m sorry.” By now he was freely crying. This wasn’t how he wanted to tell Tsukki this information (considering he never wanted to tell him at all, that is). Now his boyfriend might break up with him because he can’t satisfy him, and Yamaguchi would lose the person closest to him in his entire life.   
“Oh. So you just like...don’t feel sexual attraction?” Tsukishima asked, his voice returning to a calmer tone. Yamaguchi looked back up into his eyes, shocked to see that while he still seemed a bit upset, he seemed to have a sense of understanding now.   
“I-I don’t think so, no.”   
“I see.” He hummed, “I’ve heard about people like you. I wish you’d told me sooner. We could’ve avoided this whole situation.”  
“Wait, you’re not mad?”   
“No, why would I be mad?”   
“B-because I can’t satisfy your needs...”  
“There’s more to relationships than just sex. I don’t want to be with you just for your body. Next time just tell me stuff like this.” Tsukishima rolled his eyes. Yamaguchi felt his heart swell, and he flung himself at his beautiful, beautiful boyfriend, enveloping him in a hug.   
“I love you so much. Thank you.” He muttered into Tsukishima’s shirt.   
“I...love you too.”   
“Also, Tsukki?”  
“Hm?”  
“Remember to ask for consent.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it!! Please give kudos, comment, and share!! Thank you!!  
> I really hope this was okay... I’ve never been in a sexual situation before, nor do I ever want to be, so I hope it’s at least somewhat accurate.  
> Also, the way I wrote Yamaguchi, I wrote him a lot like myself- okay with the idea of sex, but not if he himself is involved. Like I’ve read like a smutty fanfic or two before, but the second you imply I’m the one that’s being sexual I just. No. Don’t do that. So I kinda tried to show that a bit?? Idk.  
> Also I like to think when Tsukishima is scared he gets defensive and tries to seem angry instead of upset, so that’s what I tried to show. Because in all honesty, wouldn’t you be scared too if you and your boyfriend were enjoying yourselves but then suddenly he’s kicking you away and telling you not to have sex with him? I would be pretty nervous thinking he hated me or something but that just might be the anxiety talking lol. Anyway I hope you enjoyed!!


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